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Latest Polling Shows Bush Losing Core Supporters
WASHINGTON June 15 - President Bush appears to be losing support
among a key group of voters who until now have stood firmly with the
president.
A new Gallup poll shows that Bush's approval rating has fallen below
50% and now stands at just 44% among total fucking morons. This
represents a dramatic drop compared to a poll taken just last
December when 62% of total fucking morons expressed support for the
president and his policies.
The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 total fucking morons
between June 4 and June 8, reveals that only 44% of those polled
believe the president is doing a good job, while 27% believe he is
doing a poor job, and 29% don't understand the question.
Faltering approval ratings for the president among a group once
thought to be a reliable source of loyal support makes Republicans
nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections. "We've got a big
problem if we can't depend on the support of total fucking morons,"
says Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), Total fucking morons are a key
factor in our electoral strategy, and an important part of today's
Republican coalition."
"We've taken the total fucking moron vote for granted," says Rep.
Tom Feeney (R-FL), "and now we're paying for it." Feeney says the
poll is a dire warning for Republicans. "This should send a signal
that we have to regain control of the debate if we want the support
of our key constituencies in the coming election and beyond. We need
to bring public discourse back into the realm of stupidity and
vacuity. We should be talking about homosexual illegal immigrants
burning flags. We should be talking about the power of pride. We
should be talking about freedom fries. These are the issues that
resonate with total fucking morons."
But some total fucking morons say it's too late. Bill Snarpel of
Enid, Oklahoma is a total fucking moron who voted for Bush in both
2000 and 2004. But he says he won't be voting for Bush in 2008. "I
don't like it that he was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If
the Arabs own the ports then that means they'll let all the Arabs in
and then we'll all be riding camels and wearing towels on our heads.
I don't want my children singing the Star Spangled Banner in
Muslim."
Total fucking moron Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California also says his
once solid support for Bush has collapsed. "He invaded Iraq and all
those soldiers died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs, but
now their new president is making fun of us and saying he's going to
build nuclear bombs and that we can't stop him. Well, nuclear bombs
are even worse than WMDs, so what did we accomplish?"
Laura McDonald, a total fucking moron from Chandler, Arizona, says
she is disappointed that the president hasn't been a more forceful
advocate of Christian values. "This country was founded on Christian
values," she says, "but you'd never know it with all the Mexicans
running around. I thought Bush was going to bring Jesus back into
the government. Instead, Christians are persecuted worse than ever
before in history because all these Mexicans come here and tell
Christians that we have to respect their religious beliefs. So now
it's illegal for children to pray in school. Soon it will be illegal
for them to speak English."
Not all total fucking morons have turned their backs on the
president. Jeb Larkin of Topeka, Kansas says he still fully supports
Bush. "He is doing a great job. He is a great president. He is a
great decider. I have a puppy. His tail sticks straight up and you
can see his butthole."
And not all Republican lawmakers are concerned about the poll, Sen.
Lamar Alexander (R-TN), for one. He agrees that the Republican party
should not take total fucking morons for granted, but he says they
"really don't have anywhere else to go. Just try having a
conversation with one of them about global warming. They'll say,
'Oh, but Rush says volcanoes consume more ozone than humans do.' I
mean, they're morons! Total fucking morons!"
"They've got nowhere else to go," Alexander reaffirms with a smile.
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